Bereavement Touchstones

Purpose and goals:

To help bereavement clients externalize and honor their grief by painting symbolic “touchstones.” In Alan Wolfelt’s framework, touchstones are gentle guides—not solutions—that help mourners navigate the wilderness of grief. These painted stones act as physical reminders that grief is not something to be fixed, but something to be felt, witnessed, soothed, and reconciled. The directive helps clients identify emotional waypoints, validate their experiences, and cultivate ongoing connection with their loved one.

• Provide a tangible, sensory-based method for exploring grief and grounding during painful emotions.

• Support Wolfelt’s principle of reconciling grief rather than resolving it—honoring the ongoing, nonlinear nature of mourning.

• Normalize the client’s experience by creating touchstones that act as compassionate reminders: you are grieving, not broken.

• Offer a soothing, mindful activity that reduces anxiety and emotional overwhelm.

• Encourage emotional expression through color, symbol, and texture, especially when words feel inadequate.

Theoretical Rationale:

In Understanding Your Grief, Wolfelt emphasizes that grief is a wilderness that cannot be “fixed” or controlled. Research by (Weiskittle & Gramling, 2018) reinforces that art-making helps bereaved individuals: doi: 10.2147/PRBM.S131993. Touchstones act like trail markers, reminding mourners that what they’re feeling is part of a natural, deeply human process. Painting touchstones reinforces this sense of orientation and validation.

• Feeling the pain instead of avoiding, which integrates loss in grief journey

• Expressing emotions safely and symbolically

• Making meaning and continuing bonds by connecting with memories

• Painting encourages slow, attuned focus–supporting regulation, presence, and gentle engagement with grief.

• Stone is a grounded tangible object. Weight and texture of the stone offer somatic regulation and metaphorical enduring resilience.

Art-Making:

Have cleaned, smooth stones in varying sizes from palm-size to smaller or larger. Use acrylic paint markers/pens and have brushes, a water cup, paper towels, and paint palettes. Use protective covering for surfaces and have cleaning materials handy—optional: ground music.

• Settle into mindfulness. Invite participants to notice their breathe and introduce metaphor.

• Show Wolfelt’s trail markers visualized as stones. On one side of the stone is a trail marker color square, on the other side is one of the touchstone titles ( ie. ”EMBRACE” the uniqueness of your loss, etc.)

• Offer choice of painting a stone to commemorate bond with loved one or reflecting on their grief journey.

Prompt: “Grief is not something to fix. It’s something we learn to live with. Like being in the wilderness, we look for trail markers—touchstones—that remind us we’re not lost but grieving.

Today, we’ll paint a grief touchstone. Choose a stone–feel the texture, weight, and shape–what stone feelings grounding or comforting? You can choose to either commemorate your loved one or offer yourself comfort. If time allows, you can do both by painting both sides of the stone.”

• Encourage slow, mindful painting. Invite clients to gently reflect on questions as they begin to paint:

Prompt: “Choose colors that symbolize your feelings. You can use symbols, simple shapes, or write a word–whatever feelings right to you. Think about what ongoing bond you want to acknowledge? or perhaps what you need to be reminded of in hard moments? Your stone does not need to be pretty or perfect, it only needs to be meaningful.”

• Give time check-ins: halfway, 5 mins left, 1-min warning before closing art-making phase

Reflection:

After art-making is done, cue the client(s) to observe and see what’s emerged.

• What feelings came up while painting your stone?

• What does your touchstone represent?

• Did symbols or memories emerge?

• When do you think your touchstone might offer comfort or grounding?

• How do you feel now compared to when you began?

Closing:

Invite clients to put all of their stones in the middle of the table. Normalize and validate emotions and everyone’s unique grief journey.

Prompt: “This touchstone is a companion for your grief—not a solution, but a reminder that your feelings are valid. You can keep it nearby—by your bed, in your pocket, on an altar—as a reminder that grief is a journey you don’t have to rush through.”