Painting Candles

Purpose and goals:

To support bereavement clients in honoring their loved one through the creation of a personalized remembrance candle. Painting the candle allows mourners to engage in mindful, symbolic, and ritualistic expression—one that acknowledges grief as a process to be reconciled, not fixed (Wolfelt). The candle becomes a tangible object for remembrance, connection, grounding, and communication with oneself and others.

• Create a personalized ritual object that honors the loved one and supports ongoing connection.
• Support Wolfelt’s principle of reconciling grief rather than resolving it—honoring the ongoing, nonlinear nature of mourning.
• Offer a soothing, mindful activity that reduces anxiety and emotional overwhelm.
• Encourage emotional expression through color, symbol, and texture, especially when words feel inadequate.

Theoretical Rationale:

In Understanding Your Grief, Wolfelt emphasizes that grief is a wilderness that cannot be “fixed” or controlled. Research by (Weiskittle & Gramling, 2018) reinforces that art-making helps bereaved individuals: doi: 10.2147/PRBM.S131993. Candles are cross-cultural symbols of love, remembrance, hope, comfort, illumination, and enduring presence of loved ones.

• Feeling the pain instead of avoiding, which integrates loss in grief journey
• Expressing complex emotions safely and symbolically
• Making meaning and continuing bonds by connecting with memories
• Painting encourages slow, attuned focus–supporting regulation, presence, and gentle engagement with grief.
• Candle is a tangible object and cross-cultural symbol of love, comfort, hope, and remembrance.

Art-Making:

Have battery-operated pillar candles or real candles (if safe). Use acrylic paint markers/pens and have brushes, a water cup, paper towels, and paint palettes. Use protective covering for surfaces and have cleaning materials handy. Optional: grounding music, ribbon, gem stickers.

• Settle into mindfulness. Invite participants to notice their breathe and introduce metaphor.
• Invite clients to set a gentle intention.

Prompt: “Grief is not something to fix. It’s something we learn to live with. Like being in the wilderness, we look for trail markers—touchstones—that remind us we’re not lost but grieving.

Today, we’ll paint a grief touchstone. Choose a stone–feel the texture, weight, and shape–what stone feelings grounding or comforting? You can choose to either commemorate your loved one or offer yourself comfort. If time allows, you can do both by painting both sides of the stone.”

• Encourage slow, mindful painting. Invite clients to gently reflect on questions as they begin to paint:

Prompt: “Choose colors that symbolize your feelings. You can use symbols, simple shapes, or write a word–whatever feelings right to you. Think about what ongoing bond you want to acknowledge? or perhaps what you need to be reminded of in hard moments? Your stone does not need to be pretty or perfect, it only needs to be meaningful.”

• Give time check-ins: halfway, 5 mins left, 1-min warning before closing art-making phase

Reflection:

After art-making is done, cue the client(s) to observe and see what’s emerged.

• What feelings came up while painting your stone?
• What does your touchstone represent?
• Did symbols or memories emerge?
• When do you think your touchstone might offer comfort or grounding?
• How do you feel now compared to when you began?

Closing:

Invite clients to put all of their stones in the middle of the table. Normalize and validate emotions and everyone’s unique grief journey.

Prompt: “This touchstone is a companion for your grief—not a solution, but a reminder that your feelings are valid. You can keep it nearby—by your bed, in your pocket, on an altar—as a reminder that grief is a journey you don’t have to rush through.”